haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
