I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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