No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
