Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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