Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
