Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
