Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
