Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
