Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
