Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
