I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
