your room smells of hookers.
And success
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
