Swine flu. Run for my life!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
