Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
