Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
