I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
