dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
