So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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