Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
