He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
