don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize