nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
