New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
