Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
