Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Randomize
