peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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