My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
