I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize