need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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