I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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