you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
