the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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