you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
