Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
