No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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