Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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