Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
