if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
