I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
