He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
