Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize