sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
