i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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