I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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