im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
