We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
wanna go halves on a baby?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
