Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
