I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
