this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
