Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
