I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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