The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
