since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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