ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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