We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize