i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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