i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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