flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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