Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
