Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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