My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
