Dude my mom stole all your condoms
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's rum buckets o'clock
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
