is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
