i think my mom watched the whole time
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
