trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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