The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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