So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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