Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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