moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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