You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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