the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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