sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
