maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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