hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
