Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
