Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She announced her abortion via fbk
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
