remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
