can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
