I got chris browned last night
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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