it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize