I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
