just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
