stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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