come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
