I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
