Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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