it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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