I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
