Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize