Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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