I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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