The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
