This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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