You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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