The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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