Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
