What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
